unshed tears...



I saw him first thing in the morning. Well, I should say, he started off my day. He was so far yet so near I could almost feel the warmth of his smile. Yes, I am beginning to get all mushy again and I know Mr. Vimyaps wouldn't approve of any work of art (or so I claim that I am capable of doing!) I might end up creating on times like this...mushy yes mushy but darn it feels so good that I might swear not to detest all the corny things in life anymore. I do not really care. Because for now, I am writing to spill out all that is trapped inside. All that is choking me. All that is about me. Here I go again wondering how things could have happened so fast in my own world. In my own, not in his, nor in yours. Ironically, even I could not fathom the complexities, the fear, and the hurt this thing brings to my life.

Should I risk taking the short moments left? Well, I have been thinking about that. And what goes round and round my head is the thing TJ told me when we talked about Mags. He told me, " I'd take that single day, than wonder how it would have been like all my life." I know its going to hurt so bad. I know I'll end up crying. But I guess its worth all the pain if this will make me believe in love once again. I've closed my heart for too long. I've played with fire and fire played with me. I was never happy. I couldn't. I wouldn't. It has always burned me.

So now, I pray that the strength of these thoughts would somehow get to you...how I wish to make you know of the love that is here. I wouldn't mind sharing this. I do not expect anything in return. It is enough that you have made me happy on those moments that you held my hand, when we laughed endlessly, when you kept on teasing me that I nearly cried, when you touched my left cheek... when you looked at me.

And soon you will pass me by like the days of my life but then like those days, I'll keep you in a special place. And it is there that I will take refuge on nights like this...and I will be in a place so full of you...wrapping me like the way reality can never say yes to.


* should you (you should know that it's you i am talking about), by any chance happpen to read this, i say, thank you for setting me free...